Dear Kathryn
by RAWRxIMAxDINOSAUR
Summary: You stop and let the letter drop to the ground and land next to the beautiful red rose that someone has put there. Seb POV.
1. Dear Kathryn, I Miss You

Dear Kathryn,

I miss you.

That's about the only thing I can think of to write. I'd write it until my hands hurt and even then I'd write it a thousand more.

Always, Sebastian.

---

You let go of the letter in your hand addressed to Kathryn and let it fall to the ground.

The ground where her body rests.

Her grave.

This is 3 days after her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

I miss you.

Come back to me Katie. I can't live without you.

It's not fair. Why you? Why me? Why us?

Always, Sebastian.

---

You kneel on the soft grass beside her grave stone and wipe the green moss that's formed on the cold exterior of the stone.

Your lips graze the stone as you place a soft kiss to her tombstone.

And then you place the letter where you placed the last one exactly a year ago.

This is the first year anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

It's been two years.

Two long, miserable years.

Come back to me.

It's like living a nightmare, only its reality and not all in my head, isn't it?

I don't even know anymore.

Always, Sebastian.

---

The letter dampens under the soft spray of rain that's beginning to fall.

The ink will smudge when you leave and the words you've taken hours to write will blur into a mess of black.

Like the black that rests in your heart.

You leave the letter sitting atop her gravestone.

This is the second year anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

Three years have passed without seeing you.

It's death in disguise.

I've not been in your room since you died; it only holds painful memories of you, of us.

Happy 21st birthday.

Always, Sebastian.

---

Its cold, the wind is howling through the leaves.

Moss has started to cover her name, you brush at it and get most of it off before setting the letter on the ground with a stone to hold it down.

You don't stay long, it's far too cold and depressing to stay longer than you have to.

This is the third year anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

It's actually sunny outside for once.

Even though it's the middle of winter.

I miss you.

Always, Sebastian.

---

The sun beats down on your black shirt, it's heating your skin but you couldn't care less.

There's no moss on her gravestone and no wind to blow the letter away.

You drop it to the ground, it falls in the middle of where her body lays.

This is the fourth anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

Five years.

That's how long it has been since you've graced my presence, five painful years without my only confidante.

Have you missed me too?

Or is it only I who misses you?

---

It's a cloudy day, but you still feel the heat of the sun that's hidden behind the clouds.

It looks like it's going to rain.

You place the letter atop her gravestone and kneel to kiss her name.

This is the fifth anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

How do you get my letters?

Tell me your secret, because every time I go back there is nothing there.

Always, Sebastian.

---

People are gathered around a nearby gravestone as a priest rambles on.

That's what Kathryn's death was like.

All the people who thought they knew her had gathered around to say goodbye to Manchester Prep's most prestigious student.

Only you knew her really.

Only you deserved to be there.

You place the letter by the gravestone and leave.

This is the sixth anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

Happy 25th birthday.

I would have liked to see your face on your 25th.

You would have been more beautiful then ever. Can you imagine?

Always, Sebastian.

---

There's a fresh bunch of flowers on the grave beside hers.

There's never any flowers on hers.

You'd hope your letters are enough.

The letter falls from your hand, you leave it where it drops.

This is the seventh anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

Is it stupid that I feel obliged to call you Kathryn and not Katie?

Would you slap me if I did?

Eight years, Kathryn.

Eight years I haven't seen you, talked to you, smelt you, played with your hair or looked into those beautiful green eyes you had.

God I miss you.

Come back to me Kathryn, come back to me, Katie.

Always, Sebastian.

---

There's a solemn rose on her grave today.

You stop and let the letter drop to the ground and land next to the beautiful red rose that someone has put there.

For the first time in seven years you let a small tear run from your cheek and seep into the ground when it drops.

This is the eight anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

It's getting harder to write to you.

I've moved to L.A to pursue my career choice of photography.

I flew in especially to deliver this letter personally to you, Kathryn.

Always, Sebastian.

---

Your shoes crunch the few leaves that have fallen onto her grave.

You stand still and let the wind take your hair as you stare at her gravestone.

Once again moss has formed near her name, this time you don't wipe it away.

You leave it be.

This is the ninth anniversary of her death.

---

Dear Kathryn,

This will be my last letter to you.

10 years have passed since I've been writing to you.

And a year has passed since my last letter and for that whole year I wondered what I would say to you next.

I never came up with anything besides 'I miss you'.

My career has boomed and I've actually created my own company, named after you. Katie.

I'm sorry to not be able to write to you anymore, Kathryn.

I hope you know why.

Again, I've flown into Manhattan to deliver this letter, hopefully you appreciate the gesture.

Always and forever, Sebastian.

---

It's later then your usually letter drop.

The night sky is dark and lit up by the stars and a dim lamp post light that stands at the corner.

The wind howls quietly beneath the trees.

It brings you to silent tears.

There's a rustling of fallen leaves on the ground, you turn around and catch a glimpse of a shadow behind some trees.

It approaches you slowly.

Finally it reaches the dim light, the face of the person illuminated dimly by the corner lamp post light.

Your eyes light up.

Their eyes light up.

A warm, soft smile reaches both your and the person's faces.

"I missed you."

Kathryn.

"Kathryn? This…how…I don't…what?" Your voice breaks as several stranded tears roll down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

You run to her.

You don't care how stupid you look running to her, or how pathetic or pussy whipped you seem. It's been far too long without her and you don't plan on wasting a second longer without her.

Your arms go around her tiny body. She shivers in the cold.

"Kathryn." You whisper, smelling her scent for the first time in 10 years.

"Sebastian." She whispers back.

"How?"

She buries her face into the warmth of your coat and wraps her arms around you neck, bringing your face to hers and kissing your lips softly.

"It doesn't matter. I'm sorry. For everything. For not telling you why, or where."

"I missed you so much."

You sob into her hair.

"I missed you too, Seb." She pauses and strokes your hair. "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter." You tell her. "Nothing does anymore."

She kisses your cheek softly and strokes your golden curls.

Life without Kathryn was hell.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Katie."

"Yours. I'm all yours."

Your arms wrap tighter around her. You're never letting her go. Not ever.

* * *

Something a bit different.

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	2. Explanations

**10 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

You watch Kathryn climb out of her luxurious black limousine, wearing a plain white cotton dress. She looks gorgeous as she climbs the few steps to the front door of the townhouse, her hair bounces lightly on her bare shoulders with the driver following closely behind with several bags in his hands.

You hear her voice echo through the almost empty house and her heels clack against the freshly polished marble floors. She orders the driver around like he's a child, telling him to place the bags on the lounge suite carefully and that if anything breaks she _will_ see to it personally that he gets fired.

He answers a simple yes and for a few moments the house is almost silent.

You wonder what Kathryn bought today. What does a girl with billions of dollars who has everything she's ever dreamed of go shopping for exactly? What do you buy her for her birthday or Christmas? You can buy her sexy lingerie or expensive jewellery, but what does she buy for herself every 2nd day when she goes shopping? New dresses? New make-up? Who knows?

Your cigarette diminishes quickly, each drag is long and treasured as you await the ice princess' arrival upstairs. It was never easy being her step-brother and it's certainly not going to be easy being her fiancé, but the things you'd do for her and how happy she makes you sometimes makes up for all the other times when all she does is bitch and whinge at you.

Instantly you brush back the strands of hair that have started to grow in front of your eyes and try to smooth the wrinkles on your forehead from worrying too much.

"God, you would never imagine what happened to me today. Some bumbling idiot-"

You grab her waist and pull her slender frame against your more muscular one. She doesn't object and she shouldn't after the kiss that she receives. You feel passion course through your body through this kiss and you only hope that's what happens to Kathryn when she kisses you too.

"Hello to you too." You say, wrapping your arms around her ever so tightly.

---

**9 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

It's easy to tell when Kathryn's mind is racing a hundred miles an hour because her eyebrows knit together and she gets these cute little worry lines on her forehead that you wish you could take away for her. Just so she'll look perfect forever.

Although you'll never fully understand Kathryn or what goes on inside her completely insane head you want to know what she's thinking about and what has got her so worried that she has to sit there her head buried in a book even though she can't concentrate anyway.

Maybe she can read you just like you can read her, maybe she knows what you're thinking. Maybe she knows that you're thinking maybe this isn't such a good idea anyway and maybe you shouldn't announce that you and she are engaged at that charity ball 9 days from now. Maybe she knows exactly what you're thinking and she's wondering if you still love her as much as you did a month ago when you proposed to her. Of course you do would be what you would tell her.

Her china doll face turns to you and she opens her pretty pink mouth to say something and then just as quickly closes it and purses her lips tightly together in a fashion that makes you want her to wrap her tiny mouth around your cock and never let go. She smiles softly and buries her head back in the book she is trying so hard to concentrate on.

"Kathryn if you have something to say, just say it." You tell her, never taking you eyes off your book.

She looks at you, her beautiful mysterious green eyes penetrating your soul. Her lips open and she licks them and smiles.

"I'm just, well you know this whole engagement thing. What if we tell everyone and then we, you know break up? This embarrassment will be for nothing and then where will we be? I'll be ruined-"

You kiss her lips softly and hold her chin with your hand, caressing her smooth cheek with your thumb. "I love you, Kathryn. No matter how bad the insult is, I'll never stop and I'll never not want you. So you have no need to worry."

"I love you too." She says after a slight hesitation.

---

**8 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

As you rummage through boxes of her stuff with her you spot a wooden box with her name engraved on it. Sneakily you put it aside, hiding it from Kathryn's view.

She looks at you and questions what you're doing. After all you are supposed to be looking for that tattered doll she used to carry around when you first met her. Why does she want it now? I hear you ask. She's decided that it's time to donate it to charity and when better than the charity ball in 8 days time.

She goes through what seems like her thousandth box and she stops and pulls out a ragged, dirty old doll with tattered clothes and a blackened face from the dust. Her woollen brown hair hangs in knots and bunches and her face looks like it could use a good clean.

Now what was it's name again? You wonder. It was something elegant and nothing like what a 2 year old would call her dolly. Was it Maria? No, that's not it. It was Lucinda. That's it. Lucinda Lollipop is what Kathryn used to call her. You remember some years ago when you first met her and she was carrying Lucinda, you told her she was a baby for carrying a stupid doll and she told you to apologize to Lucinda Lollipop because like humans Lucinda has feelings.

You had laughed at her and threw her doll in the mud and stomped on it. She had cried, ran to her parents and you had been punished by your father and then later you were bought a vintage toy car imported from Europe.

Stealthily you pick up the wooden box you found earlier and clear your throat. Kathryn looks at you and her eyes widen. She takes off her charm bracelet and used the tiny key charm to unlock the matching tiny lock on the wooden box.

Inside are assorted things, ranging from letters from Aunts and Uncles to cherished photos and even a tiny gold bracelet that Kathryn must've worn when she was a baby.

"Katie." You read the engravement on the bracelet.

She smiles at you. "My dad used to call me Katie before he died."

"Can I call you Katie?"

"If you wish to die, sure."

"Katie." You tease lightly.

"Alright, you may call me Katie but only on special occasions."

---

**7 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

Kathryn kisses your jaw line softly over and over again as you _try_ to read a book. She climbs on top of your lap and starts unbuttoning your dress shirt, you don't take notice to her at all, you just let her have her fun. She gets to your pants and starts licking her lips like a hungry lioness.

In one move your belt is on the floor and your pants are at your ankles. You wonder quietly how she learnt to do that. Is it all those years of ruthless, random sex, or was it something she was taught by a whore? You'll never know because she'll never tell you.

Finally as your eyes stray from your book and you place it on your bedside table she pulls off your boxers and smiles. Her hand creeps up your leg and even though you're not hard just yet, you can bet a million dollars that in a matter of seconds you'll be as hard as a rock because of this seductress.

And like always, you're right.

You sit up in bed and take her waist in your hands, her tiny, itty bitty waist that is far too thin for your liking. You place her on your lap and start to kiss her neck, removing her dress at the same time and still managing to stay hard all the while.

She giggles as your fingers brush her sides and you think back to the last time you heard her openly giggle and not scowl at you straight afterwards. Truth be told, you can't remember a time that she hasn't scowled at you afterwards, because she's never _just_ giggled openly.

"C'mon Sebastian, let me have my wicked way with you." She complains as you kiss every part of her.

"Mmm, no. I plan on making love to you and I'm going to do it properly my dear."

"Love? What is this love?" She laughs, but it's not wicked, or hurtful or anything to spite you. It's Kathryn being sarcastic.

You lay her down on your bed, placing her head on the soft pillows and letting her half naked body lay on the mattress as you strip her of her bra and underwear. Her eyes smoulder with lust, passion and love for you and you only hope your own do the same.

"I love you." She says out of no where, brushing your hair from your face.

"You too, Katie."

"I said special occasions."

"Truth be told, Kathryn I find that making love to my soon-to-be wife is a special occasion."

---

**6 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

You come home late afternoon after just having gotten your haircut, you expect the house to be empty as it is Sunday and Kathryn is usually at your Aunt Helen's for lunch with Tiffany and the other socialites. To your surprise she's asleep in your bed, curled up like a little kid.

You don't wake her, she probably needs the sleep. Instead you find solace in watching her, so you sit in a nearby chair and watch her every move. You watch the way her back arcs in bed and even when she's asleep she still has perfect posture. You watch her chest rise and fall with every breath and her eyes flutter every so often.

As you start to take pictures of a sleeping Kathryn, she stirs and opens her eyes. Immediately she giggles at you taking pictures of her sleeping.

"Pervert." She remarks, closing her eyes again.

You continue snapping cute pictures of Kathryn for god knows what. Maybe you can add them to your collection in your dark room. Thank god Kathryn doesn't have the key to that room or she'd probably run to the hills and never return.

Once you finish snapping pictures you lie beside her in bed and curl your arm around her. She snuggles close and buries her head in the crook of your neck. Here, you can smell everything that is Kathryn, sweet, elegant, charming and something unexplainable that distinguishes Kathryn from every other female in the world.

If this is love then you never want to fall out of love.

"Kathryn aren't you supposed to be at my Aunt Helen's for lunch?"

She groans in protest as you wake her again. "I told her I was sick so I could spend some time with you, is that okay with you Monsieur Valmont?"

"More time? Why, Kathryn, I do believe you're turning into one of those clingy types."

"Shut up, Sebastian before I castrate you."

You smile and stroke her hair. If every day you spent with Kathryn was this easy you would have given up pursuing other woman long ago.

---

**5 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

You've flown to Paris with Kathryn for a night because she insisted that she knows this amazing designer who she wants to do her dress. Why couldn't you call the designer? You asked after not really wanting to go all the way to Paris for a night. She told you 'because this way he'll get to see how beautiful I am and then he won't be able to resist me'. You walked off and started booking your flights after that.

Kathryn walks out of the change rooms of the little boutique with a white gown on. It looks amazing on her and you can't possibly not want to marry her now. You know Kathryn doesn't approve because she has this expression on her face that you can't quite explain. You know the only reason she doesn't like it, is because it wasn't designed for _her_ that is how spoilt Kathryn is.

She frowns and goes back into the change rooms to try another dress on. It's late evening now and you're paying this designer by the hour just so Kathryn can try some dresses on that she'll never like. Not that you really mind, you would fly Kathryn anyway and give Kathryn anything she wanted just to see her happy.

Again she walks out of the change room, this time she's wearing her old dress, not a white gown. She picks up her purse and the designer follows her. He rambles something to her in French that you vaguely understand and she responds in the same language and you only catch a few words of her sentence. She seems angry.

The designer rambles again, pointing to his dresses than to Kathryn and rambling some more. As you watch on, you notice how even though this designer is probably rich and can afford the best of suits he chooses to wear some no name brand $200 suit instead of Armani or Versace.

"Sebastian, let's go, now." Kathryn scowls at you.

She pulls you out the door and it's raining. You pull up the umbrella and cover her even if it means that your expensive suit will get wrecked and you'll probably end up with a cold in a few days.

"What happened?"

"He called me fat! He told me I looked fat in a dress! Does he know who I am? I could have him ruined and he'll be back to making k-mart dresses."

"You're not fat." You say immediately, after all Kathryn is touchy about her weight.

"Well, I could stand to lose a few pounds but I'm not fat."

"Kathryn…"

"Do I look fat? Maybe I just can't see it."

"Kathryn, you are not fat. Honestly you're probably too thin."

You kiss her cheek and wrap your arm around her tiny body. The rain pours off the umbrella but Kathryn never gets wet, you protect her from that.

---

**4 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

Kathryn swims constant laps of the pool. Up and back, up and back, she must do this 20 or so times before you get sick of watching her swim back and forth and you turn your attention to making her an alcoholic drink.

She climbs out of the pool, dripping wet and wearing the tiniest swim suit you'd ever seen on a girl. It barely covered anything and although you're not protesting you hope that she only wears this bikini around you and no one else.

You pass her the drink but she turns away and acts as if she didn't see it. She jumps back in the pool and smirks at you. You dismiss her dismissal of alcohol and jump in afterwards. She swims from you, easily getting away as she has always been a strong swimmer and you have not.

Her body slips and slides around you, making sure you never lay a finger on her. She sits on the pool steps and smirks at you mischievously. Your eyes light and you swim as fast as you can to her. She kisses you as soon as you reach her and the thought dawns at you that since being engaged to Kathryn you've not done it in the pool yet.

She must be able to read your thoughts because she giggles and rolls her eyes. Maybe another time.

"I love being here. Being with you." You tell her, brushing her wet hair off her face.

She looks around your pool room, the spacious and very exquisite room making public pools look like shit.

"I like being here. It gives me a sense of comfort. I like to swim for hours in your pool, it's so relaxing."

You wonder why she's never purchased a house of her own. She has the money and since your dad died your mother signed over your trust fund and you put a small portion of your money into buying this block of land and building your mansion on it.

"Would you like your drink now?" You ask, ready to get out of the pool and get her drink for her.

"No, actually I'd like some water."

"Water? Did I just hear you correctly? You Kathryn Merteuil substituting alcohol for water? Well I never." You tease.

"Oh shut up you." She playfully hits your chest.

---

**3 Days Before the Charity Ball.**

You and Kathryn sit at Blaine's waiting for your homosexual friend to arrive back from his trip to Spain. Mostly because you miss confiding in him but also because Blaine has got Kathryn's wedding present from you and you need to see it.

He opens the door and you notice he has dyed his hair back to a dark brown. Blaine waves cheerfully, wheeling in his suitcase and wearing what looks to be a new shirt. In comes after him a tanned, Spanish looking man wearing a wife beater and a pair of board shorts.

Blaine introduces you to his boyfriend Jose and then introduces Jose to you and Kathryn, calling you two the King and Queen of Manhattan. Kathryn smiles politely but you know she's wanting to slap Blaine for that remark. There is no King _and _Queen. Just the Queen and you are her trusted and most loyal servant.

As Blaine starts to tell Kathryn about his trip to Spain your eyes wander around the room for a joint and soon you spot one. You quickly get up and light it.

Kathryn scowls at you as soon as she notices and slaps it out of your hands. Blaine gasps and it's possibly the funniest sight in the world, you hear him scream something about his expensive carpet and how much that's going to cost him to get fix so you throw a wad of cash at him and tell him to shut up.

So he does.

"Why'd you do that for?" You complain to Kathryn, thinking suddenly that it's quite unusual for Kathryn to do that.

"Well, because…it's bad for you." She retorts.

"Not as bad as snorting that shit you do up your nose every hour."

"I quit." She states, looking proud of herself.

"Yes Kathryn and I've suddenly decided I'm gay and I'm madly in love with Tuttle."

"You are!?" Blaine asks, getting all excited.

"No. Tuttle, I was joking."

"I have quite. If you don't believe me check me. I don't even carry my crucifix with me anymore."

"Will it require a strip search?" You ask as you start to ravish her neck.

She nods in response and you both start undressing one another. Blaine stops you.

"Please kids, if you're going to do that can you go into the guest bedroom or even better…out of the house."

"You love us Tuttle." Kathryn retorts.

---

**2 Days Before The Charity Ball.**

Late afternoon sometime you're staring outside your window at nothing in particular, mostly just the crappy dark sky. You hear Kathryn walk in the house and come upstairs, each clack becoming louder as she gets closer towards you.

You count down the steps until she opens your door, you're correct on how many it took as you've counted it oh so many times before hand. She jumps on your bed uncharacteristically and smiles brightly to you, all the while holding a Versace bag in her hand and several other smaller ones.

Finally you give in and turn away from your paper looking at the smiling and happy Kathryn almost child like. You ask what's in the bags and she shrugs and throws the other on the floor but holds onto the Versace one. Once again you give in and pull her down onto your lap.

You ask her again what's in the bags and she pulls out a royal blue strapless dress. She gets up and holds it against her tiny body spinning around and then she takes off her dress that she had on and puts the new one on right in front of you.

You must admit that the dress does look fabulous on her, but all that fuss over a dress. Some things you'll just never get about Kathryn. One minute she can be all angry and yell at you for anything and the next she'll be jumping up and down on your bed holding a Versace bag and smiling at you just waiting for you to crack and kill the cat with your curiosity.

"New dress?"

"Isn't it nice?" She says, absolutely beaming.

"Tis."

"You don't like it?" She asks, frowning suddenly.

"I like it. I just think you look a lot better when you're not dressed."

"Sebastian." She laughs.

"Oh Kathryn. How I wonder sometimes how I'm ever going to cope with you."

"You'll cope. And if not we can always divorce and I can marry a much richer and better looking guy."

"Baby, no ones richer or better looking than I."

"This is true." She says, kissing your forehead.

---

**1 Day Before The Charity Ball.**

You wake from a restless sleep with a naked and tiny Kathryn beside you sleeping, all the while wearing a tiny curved smile on her pretty pink lips. You wonder if she's thinking about you and that's why she's smiling or if she's dreaming of your funeral.

Her body moves as you adjust to sit upright in bed. She curls beside you, her perky and oh-so-perfect breasts lightly touching your naked body. You turn on the lamp and she furrows her brow and mumbles something, you laugh and turn it off kissing her smooth forehead.

You bring out your journal and start to jot things down about your day. Things like how many times you and Kathryn had sex today or how many times you fought and how beautiful she looked when she got out of her bath dripping wet…and not just from the water.

You remember how much she smiled today when you told her you love her after she fought black and blue with you about some girl flirting with you at the restaurant you at lunch with her at today.

Mostly though you remember the fact that she said I love you back after you had said it. Only because she rarely says it and you try and cherish it every time she does, just in case you never hear her say it again.

She shifts and opens her eyes, murmuring your name and pulling at your arm to lay back down in bed so she can cuddle up to you. You can't sleep but you lay down with Kathryn anyway if only so she can have a good nights sleep. She lays her head on your chest and listens to the steady beat of your heart. The heart that only beats because of her.

"Katie?"

"Special occasions, Seb." She mumbles half asleep.

"Sorry."

"What did you want?" She asks, not being bitchy or anything.

"I…well…you know about the announcement about our engagement tomorrow…well…I…I just don't…I mean I don't want…like you know…it's just…Kathryn?"

She doesn't answer because she's back in dreamland with all her beautiful dreams and hopefully no nightmares.

---

**The Charity Ball.**

Kathryn and you walk in, arm in arm and you swear every male and female in the ball room glare at you in spite of how perfect the two of you look together. Hell even your outfits match tonight. She's wearing that blue dress she was ecstatic about buying and you're wearing a matching blue tie that coincidently matches your eyes.

You walk past old class mates, rivals, enemies, social cliques and the ever so polite elderly woman and men of the party who hold up the social life of Manhattan. Everyone watches you and Kathryn and you make your way to her glaring mother who must wonder why you and Sebastian are here together as she does not know of your engagement.

She looks bewildered as you and Kathryn approach her. She eyes you and you see her eyes soften a little. Maybe she thinks you're just accompanying her tonight. Or Maybe not, you think when she starts to glare again. Kathryn tells you not to worry, her mother will crack and realise this is what her daughter really wants.

As you finally meet Tiffany once again, she is standoffish, but polite as she was once married to your father and even though she divorced him 2 weeks before he died of cancer she still has to act polite to you in front of her 'friends' to still be apart of the scene. So she politely kisses your cheek and smiles warmly at you.

Kathryn greets her mother like always, polite but still not like mother and daughter. There's a hug shared between the two but it's light and awkward and after the hug there's a kiss on the cheek to one another and then there's nothing. Just silence between them.

"Mother, I'd like to announce something." She tells her mother stealing the microphone from the stand close by.

"Everyone, everyone. Can I have your attention please? I have an announcement to make."

You breathe deeply. You've waited to announce this and shove it in people's faces for so long but right now you could wait another year or two.

"So I know this is just kind of out there because it would appear that I'm not seeing anyone. Well actually I have been, in secret and now we're engaged and I'd just like to tell everyone that Sebastian Valmont and I are engaged and plan to have a very happily married life together." This woman doesn't even sound like Kathryn as she speaks.

As soon as she's finished her sentence her mother whips her off the stand and pulls her upstairs into a hallway. You wait downstairs for several minutes, occasionally looking to see if you could see anything but you can't. In that time a few girls come to congratulate you but mostly flirt, everyone else just seems to gossip.

Finally after having enough you parade upstairs quietly and try to hear part of Tiffany and Kathryn's talk.

"Kathryn, listen to me. Sebastian was related to you and now you're marrying him? Please, you deserve so much more than that incompetent boy."

"I love him, mother."

You smile and wish you could kiss her right now.

"Yes, well I refuse to let you marry him. You're 18 Kathryn, 18. You've only just graduated from school."

"Would it make a difference if I told you I was pregnant with his child? Because I am."

Your eyes widen and suddenly everything makes sense. No drinking, hitting you for smoking pot, giving up her precious cocaine. She's pregnant. You were so blind for not seeing it before, you should have seen the signs and knew straight away.

"So this is why you're marrying him? Because you had sex with him and you were stupid enough to fall pregnant to him? Do you really think he's going to support you when he finds out Kathryn? God that boy will run for the goddamn hills before you know it and then what? You'll come running back to me?"

You step out from your hiding spot and reside beside Kathryn, a smile on your face and probably the happiest you've been in your entire short life.

"Actually Tiff, I love Kathryn and I'm going to love our child. We're going to get married whether you approve or not."

"So I suppose I can expect her back in a few months time, knocked up and crying because the supposed 'love of her life' cheated on her with some blond bimbo with big breasts?"

Kathryn scowls at her mother but you can tell the thought has run through her own head a few times because she kind of looks at you with sadness in her eyes like she's telling you that she hopes it doesn't happen because it'll break her heart.

"No. Kathryn is everything I need in anyone. I love her, you don't understand that because unlike you we're not gold digging whores who marry for money."

Tiffany slaps your face. "Watch what you say to me, Sebastian. I have a lot of power in many places not to mention friends. Just say the wrong thing Sebastian and you'll be ruined and never to step foot in anywhere respectable again. I'll talk to you later about this Kathryn. For now get out of here."

You and Kathryn leave immediately. All these thoughts are running through you head. A baby? A goddamn baby?

"Are you really pregnant or was it just something you said to get your mother wound up?"

"Would it be so bad if I was?" She asks.

"No."

"Yes. I am pregnant."

"I love you, Katie. A lot more than you'll ever understand."

She smiles at you and rests her head on your shoulder as you both sit in the limousine awaiting home.

---

**2 Days After The Charity Ball.**

You pull out Kathryn's wedding ring that you bought her from your pocket and admire it. Blaine had helped pick it with his new boyfriend, you just hope he doesn't blab to Kathryn.

Your phone rings and you scurry to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Is this Sebastian Valmont?"

"Yes it is. Who's this?" You ask, flipping through papers from work.

"This is Joanne from…" She rattles off a name of a hospital and you sigh, realising that they've probably got some old stuff of your dad's. But you really don't want it.

"Look if this is about my dad's stuff that's still there, chuck it. I don't want it. Now if you don't mind-"

"Actually sir, this is about Kathryn Merteuil. You're her next of kin."

Your heart races a million miles an hour as soon as you hear her name over the phone.

"Kathryn?" You gulp.

"I'm sorry to inform you Mr Valmont but Ms Merteuil fell was involved in a car crash earlier on today and we've done all we can but the damage to her brain and the internal damage she had was beyond anything we could do and she passed away. I'm really very sorry."

It all seems like a blur at the moment, or that could just be the tears that creep to your eyes right now. You drop to the floor and the gold wedding ring rolls from your finger tips and out of your reach. The lady on the other end calls your name several times before hanging up but all you manage is a choked cry and a mumble of a language you've never learnt to speak.

Not only is Kathryn gone now, but your unborn child too. Kathryn. Katie. Gone.

---

**Kathryn's Funeral.**

Everyone is gather around the priest and her closed casket. You lay low in the shadows by a tree watching as fake tears cascade down Tiffany's cheek and as some loser you've never seen Kathryn with gives her eulogy. Every student that new of Kathryn must be here as well as the teachers and anyone else who knew of her.

Why are they here? They didn't know her. Did they just come to give a fuck you to the girl who enjoyed ruining other's lives? To send Kathryn off to the devil?

Typical weather. It's raining. There's no sun, no blue skies or birds chirping, it's cold, miserable and raining and that doesn't even begin to describe what you feel like right now. Not even the beginning. Hell you'd need a fucking novel to describe all the emotions running through your body right now.

You over here something the girls who's giving Kathryn's eulogy says.

"…She was an angel in disguise, a saint, a perfect role model and an upstanding student, socialite and anything else she ever participated in…"

Yeah fucking bullshit.

If you really knew Kathryn you wouldn't even be up there. Hell, you'd not even be here to begin with. You can be sure that if anyone knew Kathryn like you did (Personally and not physically.) they'd all be at home laughing their asses off and enjoying a cup of hot coffee instead of standing in the pouring rain pretending they knew her just to get popularity points.

You can imagine it now. All the socialite's daughters competing over who was Kathryn's best friend out of them all. None really. She hated them all. She picked on them, gossiped, bitched, kissed their boyfriends, destroyed their reputations. You name the sin and Kathryn's done it.

The casket starts to lower and Blaine looks back at you with sympathy and pity and any other goddamn pathetic look he can manage to muster up. Blaine is the only other person who deserves to be here with you. Not even her own mother deserves to stand here. You bet she's not even crying, you bet as soon as this is over she'll go back to gossiping and laughing about the poor.

As soon as Kathryn's casket is lowered everyone bunches up and leaves like a swarm of bees. Blaine is left standing by her open grave. He gestures for you to come over and join him, but you don't.

You pull out a bottle of prescribed anti-depressants and take two. Blaine sighs. Even though you can't hear it you know he is. He's told you for the past week that you shouldn't be on them, that the amount of alcohol you drink and shit you take you'll probably over dose and kill yourself. He had immediately apologised for saying that and you went home to drown yourself in scotch and vodka.

You turn around and leave Blaine at the grave, getting into you limousine and leaving.

On the way home you stop by a bar. You're in there 5 minutes before you come out with not one but 3 girls hanging off you. As soon as you get in the limousine you waste no time getting them naked and by the time you've reached your house you've already came twice.

By the end of the night you've fucked all three girls, came 6 times and managed to drink 3 bottles of scotch, a bottle of bourbon and two bottles of vodka as well as smoke 3 joints.

After the girls leave in the early hours of the morning you sit at your desk and cry. You've never cried as much as you have this week. As you write a letter to Kathryn your tears stain the paper, you don't even manage to finish it because you become so exhausted and out of energy that as soon as you rest for a minute you're asleep.

This is the beginning of you downward spiral and your yearly letters to Kathryn.

* * *

Longest chapter I've ever written, over 6,000 words! I could have made it into two chapters, but then it would have been a three part fic and I wanted it to be a two part not three.

The reason I added this chapter is because after receiving a very long and helpful review I decided that there's no where near enough explanation. It was what I was going for (The whole no explanation think for yourself thing.) but then I read it over and over again and thought about what would I have written and then I just thought I'd write this to go along with it.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to everyone. Have a great Christmas.


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